Yesterday.I watched a documentary - The Life & Tragedy of Moriah Wilson. I hadn't heard of her before, but it turns out she was a gravel cyclist and quite a good one at that, up and coming, a bright future ahead, and then, she was murdered.

At the root of it was 'jealousy' from the girlfriend of a guy also a cyclist she dated for 1week, whilst he was on a break from said girlfriend. 

The amount of times I have watched crime documentaries involving romantic relationships, where the violence or death of a partner, usually women, has been a result of jealousy is high. 

Interestingly I found myself having a random stream of consciousness recently about this thread of jealousy in my own life, where it has shown up in many ways - partners not entirely comfortable in the relationship I have with their wife; mothers of the relationship with their daughter, sibling relationships, daughters of the relationship with their mother....and occasionally romantic partners expressing it momentarily. It's never logical. It feels to me like jealousy like many emotions, has a primal quality to it, that is activated under certain conditions. And perhaps it is because of this, that we find it embarrassing to admit to it, for it doesn't align with our more sophisticated, frontal cortex idea of who we are. It has been relegated to the category of 'bad' emotions. Which of course, means into the shadow realms it goes, where it often has more power in affecting our lives. 

Certainly going by the unfolding in the documentary, it has some brutal consequences. 

Before we go further, lets throw in a definition:

"An aversive emotional response that occurs when a valued relationship is threatened by a third party." Parrot & Smith, 1993

The young woman who murdered Moriah shot her 3times at close range, an indication of the rage her jealousy brought forth. We discover through the course of it, she was in the area for some time circling, fuming, ruminating. . 

I found myself thinking about this documentary afterwards, the guy, though he wasn't the one who pulled the trigger, contributed to the escalation of emotions in this relationship. In fact, towards the end they showed him now, in the aftermath of it all, having reduced his world and expressing how he wished he'd never made the choice to do cycling, meet either woman. For me it is a reflection of his inability to experience fully the emotional consequences of his part in this tragedy., yet. No, he isn't the one who pulled the trigger, but he certainly wasn't a bystander. 

And then, I remember, how that thread of jealousy was always present with  mum (based in her story), not far beneath the surface, yet out of sight, hijacking, affecting, and eventually erupting out of  the shadows, as she entered the transition and. pressure of menopause. I imagine it cause her much suffering, unable to settle within herself.  

Perhaps it is her passing that is affording me a different perspective, and allowing me to choose differently in its presence. Realising, how my attempts to alleviate the jealousy another was experiencing, was never mine to resolve. And, in fact, in this unveiling, I can see for the first time, how my attempts to please, accommodate the jealousy, of another, was a self betrayal rooted in survival.  

Love always, all-ways,
​Xanthe 

A month ago, my mother passed from this world, to the next, quietly and peacefully. I was there, and it was such a contrast to how she was in life, a sacred moment. Tears flowed, of sadness, and relief. The previous 3months as she was ferried between hospital and nursing home, her quality of life deteriorated further, and for the majority of the time she was bed ridden. I could often see she was exhausted. One day, I found myself having the urge to let her know, it was okay if she wanted to go, we will get through it. 

There had been a rhythm to things, in the 3months prior to her passing,  our family was in a bubble, with this being a central focus, being present, and doing what was needed, everyone playing their part. 

For me, it is my first major loss and after the funeral, I found being in the quiet, allowing the settling was what I wanted more than anything. The truth is, I had experienced the first loss of my mother 29years earlier when she had become floridly psychotic, being eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia.  

It's only been a month, and yet in some ways it feels longer. In moments, it seems odd she is no longer here, and in others I feel relief knowing she is free of the pain and suffering, having felt her close a couple of times. I never know when tears will flow, but then, I am not a weather app. I take care of myself, knowing it is all perfect.

In her passing, I have come to see clearly the role we played for each other, and the true significance of our journey together, through the good, the bad and the ugly. And when that truly landed, it touched my heart deeply and brought more tears. 
 
Words pale. 

Love always, all ways. 

I do not make New Year's resolutions, and haven't for a long time.

This year I found myself thinking about how through travelling, I have learnt there are many New Years - Chinese in February (year of the fire horse); Coptic on 7 January, Maori in July, Astrological in October, so, we have many opportunities to restart, reset.

Saying that, I do like the numbers for this years 1 January 2026 - 1:1:1, (NEW) and enjoyed having the day to myself, resting, allowing, and enjoying the finale for Stranger Things, which didn't disappoint.

How you choose to start the NY is up to you. I don't have the answer to that, I have seen across social media, people sharing many different things, for some resolutions are a thing, others feel how they spend the first day sets up the themes for the rest of the year, some people like to pick a word for the year as a point of focus. 

I know these thresholds are meaningful, being present, receiving, is my modus operandi. 

I wish you a year of more true, more love, peace, and the space to discover the richness of YOU. Your presence is required & the grandest gift.

Love always, in all-ways 

We begin with a step, followed by another, 

and so it goes, one moment, one day, one choice....allows for a filling of your cup, or empty, 

Little big moments, 

allowing for something different.

Being present to your life, to what is arising within you, to the pain and the joy, to allow the flow of that which has been waiting for that moment, nudging, calling to you.

To rediscover, that which is beneath the lies, the pretence, the performance, the pleasing and even the perfection. 

the Christmas gift you unwrap like a Russian Doll, over time, to discover, you are so much more than you ever thought, and so much less than you ever carried. 

Breathe.

This is not a race, it is the pace of YOU unfolding true.

Breathe.

The process is under new management, to be discovered, through staying present to what is before you, nothing more, nothing less.

Wishing you a gentle season, where you remember a little bit more, you are enough. 

Love always, all ways. 

In the unfoldment of our unravelling, we begin to see more clearly.

That which once lurked in the shadows, rises to be revealed. Though this is uncomfortable, may even be upsetting, it is necessary to allow for you to know yourself more truly.

Unconsciousness makes way for conscious.

Recently in a conversation with a friend, who was seeking to understand addiction and how it might relate to her, out of my mouth popped "think simply of it as where the ego seeks to control the soul." Of course I loved this SOUL simple distillation!

And through this lens, it perhaps easier to see how relevant it is to us ALL!!

And maybe this is the truest choice available to us in our human experience, will I control OR will I allow SOUL again and again and again.

When I had that thought come to me (the title of this blog), the first thing that popped into my mind was how in Greece, decades ago, a body would be exhumed after 5years and the remains placed in a tin box, in a vault or room, with many others, because there wasn't enough land. At a certain point they found that was too soon as the bodies weren't decomposing as fast, so they would leave it for 10years.

And then, I travelled to Egypt, and visiting one of the tombs at the Valley of the Kings, deep down, and how well the paintings were preserved due to their depth, and the lack of oxygen. For historical relevance that was seen as beneficial. And yet, I notice as I am writing this, my interest in history is no longer what it was. 

Many of our unhealed wound/s, are also deeply buried, often unknowingly fuelling our motivations, choices and preferences. 

Recently I watched an interview Kate Langbroek did with Rosie O'Donnell, someone whose career I haven't followed closely at all.  I enjoyed her being so candid about her life - the loss of her mother just before her 11th birthday, whose funeral was held on her birthday, and the wake on her brothers. After which their father took them all to Ireland for the summer, and on their return, (their father had pre-organised for the neighbours to remove any signs of their mother from the house) it was as if she had never existed.

No conversations were had, that was it.

Then, I watched the doco on Charlie Sheen, and one of the things that jumped out at me, was kind of eerie, was how much of his choices were parallels of his dad's life. Right down to his struggles with addiction, and making similar movies to his dad. . 

The trauma injury is what happens inside, NOT, the event. 

None of us knows we are injured, wounded, until we do, and that in itself is a process of revelations that unfold in perfect timing for each of us. Our journey of recovery is unique to us, that is why there isn't ONE universal solution. As we are open and willing to face that which we have been avoiding, which has been holding us hostage, we will begin to get the clarity we have been seeking. Suddenly, we realise oh, that's why I didn't like that movie, person, place or thing. 

It's not always convenient, comfortable, or orderly, and there are no quick fixes, yet, it is the only way to true freedom. 

Everything that I have waded through, has brought me to where I am today, the joy of being me, full of life and enjoying the ongoing evolution & discoveries (things I could not have conceived from where I was) as I walk this new road.

Typecast in the movie world, is a verb, meaning

"to assign (actor or actress) repeatedly to the same type of role, as a result of the appropriateness of their appearance or previous success in such roles."

​When it popped into my thoughts today, it was in relation to diagnosis, to the labels we use to describe ourselves, to the boxes we inhabit.. Often for good reason,
there is comfort in denial, safety in hiding, familiarity in knowing what to do.

When viewed in this light, struggle seems to me, an impulse, an invitation,to go inside, to discover, the truth of you..

Someone said to me recently, but for a system to change, everyone has to go to therapy..I disagree, YOU in your truest expression, essence, make a difference when you choose to deal with your part. In fact, that is the only way you make a difference.

Meet you sometime in the future when you're ready.

Take care. 💝

Coming to therapy is a big step, you are struggling and though you have tried to make things better, the pain won't go away, you still feel the same - disconnected, disengaged,
Asking for help is a beginning into a new frontier .

It is an opening a door to your inner world and usually facing what you have done your best to avoid. .
The part that gets neglected in a busy life. For most of us, it is when we are struggling, suffering, tired of trying, that we are ready for something new.  

Although it may appear as a linear sequence, therapy is mostly a process, one that provides the opportunity to discover more of YOU. Friendships are wonderful, yet most often, in these conversations there are opinions and directives offered that unintentionally move you further away from leaning into your experience. 

Insight involves reflection, sitting with things, emotional honesty  (the benefit of some kind of journalling), in session I will always invite you to connect with what is going on for you. It allows you to make sense of, explore YOUR experiences. You likely have some ideas around this, and at the same time ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’…. talking about things in a safe & skilled therapeutic environment, having space to hear yourself, to more deeply lean into the experience you are having, allows energies to move.
It is an opportunity to connect with, & give voice to difficult, hidden or obscure feelings, neglected parts of yourself. This can be very healing. Other times more is required, after all you are more than a talking head!

Ideas & Inspiration
Reflection allows us to begin to gain awareness around some of our behaviours, defences and habits-why meditation is beneficial, it allows us to start to discern the difference between the mind, and the wise part of ourselves. To listen to the body, to dial down the noise, and notice when our internal guidance system is giving us a nudge, to start to bring that which you have hidden from yourself into the light of day, where transformation is possible. This is an uncomfortable process, sometimes it's messy, confusing, but if you can stay out of judgement, acknowledge what is going on for you, move towards acceptance, and allow the process, you will get through it, change will happen.

Move a Muscle Make a Change
Regardless of how much insight you have, action needs to be taken, rest too, to integrate and ground these changes, which usually means giving yourself space, time, leaning into the discomfort, allowing your EMOTIONS to flow – we CANNOT heal what we cannot FEEL.

For queries or to make an initial appointment you can reach me on 0416 481 892 or via email xanthe.katsouras@gmail.com

The first system we belong to is our FAMILY.

Which sits within a CULTURAL system, a SOCIETAL one, and a GLOBAL one.

All these systems have trauma, norms, usually assigned roles for the individuals within them, as well as implicit and explicit ways of being.

During my first overseas adventure I discovered the parts of me, the characteristics that were very much a part of the Australian culture in which I had grown up. Living in England, I recognised the qualities that had their roots in England. Certainly the drinking habits, which were not so much a part of my Greek roots. Generally in greek traditions, drinking is very much a compliment to FOOD.

The differences between the Greek culture from which I originated and the Australian culture I was raised in, were very much at the forefront through my adolescence, where home was Greek, and school diverse Aussie. Like many in the same boat, I toddled between the two, an added element in the transition of adolescence, which is all about discovering who we are, beyond the family and culture we are embedded in (IDENTITY).. 

And within that Greek Australian mix, was an entirely different expression of the Greek culture from the country of GREECE. 

We cannot stay the same when we make a new choice, as the conceptual moves into actualisation, the experience transforms whether we want it to or not. some may navigate  the transition with more ease than others, yet, regardless, it is uncomfortable. When you migrate from a country that doesn't even speak the same language, the most basic things become more effortful. When you decide to become a parent, you have conceptual ideas of how you will be, the reality when the baby arrives, is often an entirely different story. 

Recently in a conversation with a cousin, we shared our individual awareness, of our parents who would have been entirely different people had they stayed in Greece. Noting how her aunts in Greece were outspoken, lively, in their exchanges with their husbands, unlike her mother, who like my mum,  was submissive, and would not challenge her authoritarian husband. The process of migrating to another country, created an entirely different expression of the Greek culture, often more connected to the time of departure, than Greece presently.

These are the intergenerational threads that weave through our lives, influences in ways we don't always see because we are so immersed in it. Their influence on us often emerge when we decide to do something different. The system is a powerful vortex, one that you feel more keenly when you choose to step out of its assigned roles. For eg, growing up in Australia, it seemed normal to want to move out of home, yet within the Greek culture this was not a norm, in fact quite the opposite. .

Who are you? in this context, becomes a call to truth. 

And fundamentally is the question I believe you get to explore, and find an answer too, through the therapeutic process. It has revealed itself in the stressors of your life, in the overwhelm, in the desire for something different. As you set yourself free, you also release those from the assigned roles you have given them, allowing for new possibilities of being in relationship with & one of the reasons I was inspired to create the CODEPENDENCY Group. It is not always comfortable, because your present comfort, lies in who you have been till now. I am here to support this process of differentiation. 

Lately, my relationship with the ocean has been changing. After 2-3 years of my goggles sitting idle, one day I spontaneously took to using them, not just for swimming, but for snorkelling, delighting firstly in the quiet underneath the surface. Then, in the fishies I got to see at one of my local beaches, where a couple also delighted in showing me some of their moves. From this vantage space, the waves looked different, and consequently I felt different with them, as they moved over me.

These experiences feel relevant to the photo I took above, on a walk along another beach yesterday, where the force of life made itself visible in the most spectacular way as the waves landed on the matter of the rocks. It was exhilarating, to experience and witness, in the first half of my walk, totally riveted I was!

There is a person swimming in the stillness of the pool, not seeing what is coming as the waves crash on the rocks and yet he is part of the experience regardless, the ripples continue into the pool, affecting him and being shaped by him.

And, on another level, the pool can be seen as a metaphor for the body, as a container of life force that is not separate from the greater. ocean (the Mother).... Its structure creates its unique shape (container), makes it tangible, yet it does not limit or keep out the force of life. Rather, it is one with it, an individualised expression of the inifinte ocean.

It also brings to mind how that which makes me, you, most powerful & potent, is dynamic, and most natural and organic to who I truly am.

The waves in this pic from the first time brought to mind seahorses, which feels like a perfect note to end on.