Addiction - how do you know?

I was surprised to discover, this is the first time I had the thought to write about addiction, what I have learnt working in the field for the last 5years, and hopefully provide some helpful ways to discern whether you or a loved are addicted to something, someone or a process. Its kind of perfect synchronicity that it follows my previous blog on denial.

Firstly, one of the simplest ways of determining whether you are addicted to a substance, person or thing, is that you are unable to stop consumption and stay stopped. Secondly, it is the top of your hierarchy of needs. You will find any way to make sure you are in a position to have it, whatever it is for you......that includes lying, hiding, manipulating, and controlling the circumstances you find yourself in, to get what you want.

One of the things I often explain to people, is, that it’s not about frequency - i.e. everyone has a different addiction cycle. I have worked with people whose addiction cycle was drinking out of control during school break. Most people I have come to work with, often successful, are not drinking first thing in the morning, and are often maintaining jobs and relationships. Though the latter tends to be the most problematic. In fact, it is our ability to justify how well we're doing in the functional duties of our life, that makes it easier to deny the cost to our relationships and quality of life.

In its compulsiveness, it is in fact easy to see, how any relationship with a person, substance or thing, can become addictive. I have seen people addicted to dating apps, social media, gaming, gambling, sex, food, and problem-solving other people’s lives. Oh my goodness was I ever to the latter.

It is often referred to as a disease. Though I am cautious in overusing this description, as I also know, true healing happens when we accept responsibility for our recovery.

I have learnt that emotional sobriety takes much longer than the abstinence from the substance, person or thing, and that until someone is ready or willing for change, you are powerless. Yet, this is not specific to addictions. We are powerless over anyone else and their choices. So, if you are the loved one of someone with an addiction issue, please hear this, and start to seek support and help for yourself. See a therapist, go to Al-Anon, in order to find your way out of the maze you find yourself in. You may have ended up here without wanting too, but the choice & the responsibility to get out of the maze is yours. Learning about boundaries, and how they can support your wellbeing, is an essential part of your own recovery.  

Recovery isn't an easy process, no healing is.
And often at the beginning it is damn uncomfortable, awkward and clunky. Yet, regardless of how your addiction started, for the most part, I imagine it stopped being fun a long time ago!

There are no quick fixes.
Perhaps this is the universal addiction all of us have to get over. 

I don't know anyone who has arrived at a place of greater wellbeing without putting time and energy into their recovery. After all, the reason you got good at addiction is for the very same reason.

Isn't it time you started sobering up towards a healthier and more fulfilling life?
One of my favourite descriptions of addiction comes from Marion Woodman:
Addiction is a misguided attempt at self-repair.
Yes, your addiction isn’t the underlying cause, it’s the symptom, but often before we can get to the cause, we need to sober up, long enough, build our inner strength, to face those things we have been running from, in addiction.
In Marion’s words, a weak ego is rigid, and a strong one is flexible.
 
Feel free to reach out with any questions, and remember, it is All-ways, one day one step at a time.