Boundaries

Without the sand and the cliff side, the ocean would wash in, over the shops, the homes, nearby. A natural boundary, one that is maintained beach side after wild weather, with the sand being moved around and about. Like our skin, the largest organ of our body, protects our organs, spine, muscles, and breathes.

Without an awareness of what our boundaries are with different people, in different situations, it can be difficult to discern what is ours, and what belongs to the other. An absence of boundaries can leave us feeling like a rudderless ship in the ocean.

There are also different boundaries - physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. 
The physical ones are, how close do I want this person to be? What's comfortable for me? and that may depend on how you are feeling. I say that, so that you know, you can change your boundary on the day. It's not set in stone.

Emotional boundaries, may relate to how we want people to engage with us, what's okay....for example, we may stop a conversation that is escalating and make an agreement to walk away, and continue it later. For example, when I was younger, I had a habit of saying yes to things, even if I didn't have the space or time or desire.....it was my knee jerk reaction. I realised I couldn't trust my first impulse, so I started buying time. When someone would ask me if I was available for something, I would ask if I could get back to them, even if it was only 30minutes. That gave me enough time to breathe,  check in with myself, decide whether it was something I wanted to do, and if I did, did I have the time.

Another boundary I picked up along the way, and used for a short time, was only spending as much time with someone as I could love them. After all, I had nothing to prove by enduring the company of someone, beyond that which I was able to enjoy them. In my 30s a friend supported me in setting a time boundary with her, after she was an hour late. In future, I would wait 15min and go. it felt so uncomfortable sticking to that boundary the first time, but was I ever glad I did!

There are also energetic boundaries, to be maintained, like imaging yourself in a golden egg. 

An important thing to keep in mind in your journey of discovering your boundaries, is never set a boundary with someone you are not willing to back. Because the reality is, especially with relationships that have been in your life for a while, you will need to reassert the boundary more than once. And,. actions speak louder than words in this insistence. Saying you're not going to do something isn't enough. You need to take responsibility for maintaining the boundary.

And that's another thing I discovered, no one can stop you from crossing your own boundaries!!

So, be kind to yourself, get clear, and know boundaries are love in action. You will feel nervous, wobbly, and doubt yourself in setting them.
Breathe.
Come back to you and hold the line.