In the unfoldment of our unravelling, we begin to see more clearly.

That which once lurked in the shadows, rises to be revealed. Though this is uncomfortable, may even be upsetting, it is necessary to allow for you to know yourself more truly.

Unconsciousness makes way for conscious.

Recently in a conversation with a friend, who was seeking to understand addiction and how it might relate to her, out of my mouth popped "think simply of it as where the ego seeks to control the soul." Of course I loved this SOUL simple distillation!

And through this lens, it perhaps easier to see how relevant it is to us ALL!!

And maybe this is the truest choice available to us in our human experience, will I control OR will I allow SOUL again and again and again.

When I had that thought come to me (the title of this blog), the first thing that popped into my mind was how in Greece, decades ago, a body would be exhumed after 5years and the remains placed in a tin box, in a vault or room, with many others, because there wasn't enough land. At a certain point they found that was too soon as the bodies weren't decomposing as fast, so they would leave it for 10years.

And then, I travelled to Egypt, and visiting one of the tombs at the Valley of the Kings, deep down, and how well the paintings were preserved due to their depth, and the lack of oxygen. For historical relevance that was seen as beneficial. And yet, I notice as I am writing this, my interest in history is no longer what it was. 

Many of our unhealed wound/s, are also deeply buried, often unknowingly fuelling our motivations, choices and preferences. 

Recently I watched an interview Kate Langbroek did with Rosie O'Donnell, someone whose career I haven't followed closely at all.  I enjoyed her being so candid about her life - the loss of her mother just before her 11th birthday, whose funeral was held on her birthday, and the wake on her brothers. After which their father took them all to Ireland for the summer, and on their return, (their father had pre-organised for the neighbours to remove any signs of their mother from the house) it was as if she had never existed.

No conversations were had, that was it.

Then, I watched the doco on Charlie Sheen, and one of the things that jumped out at me, was kind of eerie, was how much of his choices were parallels of his dad's life. Right down to his struggles with addiction, and making similar movies to his dad. . 

The trauma injury is what happens inside, NOT, the event. 

None of us knows we are injured, wounded, until we do, and that in itself is a process of revelations that unfold in perfect timing for each of us. Our journey of recovery is unique to us, that is why there isn't ONE universal solution. As we are open and willing to face that which we have been avoiding, which has been holding us hostage, we will begin to get the clarity we have been seeking. Suddenly, we realise oh, that's why I didn't like that movie, person, place or thing. 

It's not always convenient, comfortable, or orderly, and there are no quick fixes, yet, it is the only way to true freedom. 

Everything that I have waded through, has brought me to where I am today, the joy of being me, full of life and enjoying the ongoing evolution & discoveries (things I could not have conceived from where I was) as I walk this new road.

Typecast in the movie world, is a verb, meaning

"to assign (actor or actress) repeatedly to the same type of role, as a result of the appropriateness of their appearance or previous success in such roles."

​When it popped into my thoughts today, it was in relation to diagnosis, to the labels we use to describe ourselves, to the boxes we inhabit.. Often for good reason,
there is comfort in denial, safety in hiding, familiarity in knowing what to do.

When viewed in this light, struggle seems to me, an impulse, an invitation,to go inside, to discover, the truth of you..

Someone said to me recently, but for a system to change, everyone has to go to therapy..I disagree, YOU in your truest expression, essence, make a difference when you choose to deal with your part. In fact, that is the only way you make a difference.

Meet you sometime in the future when you're ready.

Take care. 💝

Coming to therapy is a big step, you are struggling and though you have tried to make things better, the pain won't go away, you still feel the same - disconnected, disengaged,
Asking for help is a beginning into a new frontier .

It is an opening a door to your inner world and usually facing what you have done your best to avoid. .
The part that gets neglected in a busy life. For most of us, it is when we are struggling, suffering, tired of trying, that we are ready for something new.  

Although it may appear as a linear sequence, therapy is mostly a process, one that provides the opportunity to discover more of YOU. Friendships are wonderful, yet most often, in these conversations there are opinions and directives offered that unintentionally move you further away from leaning into your experience. 

Insight involves reflection, sitting with things, emotional honesty  (the benefit of some kind of journalling), in session I will always invite you to connect with what is going on for you. It allows you to make sense of, explore YOUR experiences. You likely have some ideas around this, and at the same time ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’…. talking about things in a safe & skilled therapeutic environment, having space to hear yourself, to more deeply lean into the experience you are having, allows energies to move.
It is an opportunity to connect with, & give voice to difficult, hidden or obscure feelings, neglected parts of yourself. This can be very healing. Other times more is required, after all you are more than a talking head!

Ideas & Inspiration
Reflection allows us to begin to gain awareness around some of our behaviours, defences and habits-why meditation is beneficial, it allows us to start to discern the difference between the mind, and the wise part of ourselves. To listen to the body, to dial down the noise, and notice when our internal guidance system is giving us a nudge, to start to bring that which you have hidden from yourself into the light of day, where transformation is possible. This is an uncomfortable process, sometimes it's messy, confusing, but if you can stay out of judgement, acknowledge what is going on for you, move towards acceptance, and allow the process, you will get through it, change will happen.

Move a Muscle Make a Change
Regardless of how much insight you have, action needs to be taken, rest too, to integrate and ground these changes, which usually means giving yourself space, time, leaning into the discomfort, allowing your EMOTIONS to flow – we CANNOT heal what we cannot FEEL.

For queries or to make an initial appointment you can reach me on 0416 481 892 or via email [email protected]

The first system we belong to are our FAMILY.

Which sits within a CULTURAL system, a SOCIETAL one, and a GLOBAL one.

All these systems have trauma, norms, usually assigned roles for the individuals within them, as well as implicit and explicit ways of being.

During my first overseas adventure I discovered the parts of me, the characteristics that were very much a part of the Australian culture in which I had grown up. Living in England, I recognised the qualities that had their roots in England. Certainly the drinking habits, which were not so much a part of my Greek roots. Generally in greek traditions, drinking is very much a compliment to FOOD.

The differences between the Greek culture from which I originated and the Australian culture I was raised in, were very much at the forefront through my adolescence, where home was Greek, and school not. Like many in the same boat, I toddled between the two, an added element in the transition of adolescence, which is all about discovering who we are (IDENTITY).. 

And within that Greek Australian mix, was an entirely different expression of the Greek culture from the country of GREECE. 

We cannot stay the same when we make a new choice, as the conceptual moves into actualisation, the experience transforms whether we want it to or not. some may navigate  the transition with more ease than others, yet, regardless, it is uncomfortable. When you migrate from a country that doesn't even speak the same language, the most basic things become more effortful. When you decide to become a parent, you have conceptual ideas of how you will be, the reality when the baby arrives, is often an entirely different story. 

Recently in a conversation with a cousin, we shared our individual awareness, of our parents who would have been entirely different people had they stayed in Greece. Noting how her aunts in Greece were outspoken, lively, in their exchanges with their husbands, unlike her mother, who like my mum,  was submissive, and would not challenge her authoritarian husband. The process of migrating to another country, created an entirely different expression of the Greek culture, often more connected to the time of departure, than Greece presently.

These are the intergenerational threads that weave through our lives, influences in ways we don't always see because we are so immersed in it. Their influence on us often emerge when we decide to do something different. The system is a powerful vortex, one that you feel more keenly when you choose to step out of its assigned roles. For eg, growing up in Australia, it seemed normal to want to move out of home, yet within the Greek culture this was not a norm, in fact quite the opposite. .

Who are you? in this context, becomes a call to truth. 

And fundamentally is the question I believe you get to explore, and find an answer too, through the therapeutic process. It has revealed itself in the stressors of your life, in the overwhelm, in the desire for something different. As you set yourself free, you also release those from the assigned roles you have given them, allowing for new possibilities of being in relationship with & one of the reasons I was inspired to create the CODEPENDENCY Group. It is not always comfortable, because your present comfort, lies in who you have been till now. I am here to support this process of true freedom & discovery. 

Lately, my relationship with the ocean has been changing. After 2-3 years of my goggles sitting idle, one day I spontaneously took to using them, not just for swimming, but for snorkelling, delighting firstly in the quiet underneath the surface. Then, in the fishies I got to see at one of my local beaches, where a couple also delighted in showing me some of their moves. From this vantage space, the waves looked different, and consequently I felt different with them, as they moved over me.

These experiences feel relevant to the photo I took above, on a walk along another beach yesterday, where the force of life made itself visible in the most spectacular way as the waves landed on the matter of the rocks. It was exhilarating, to experience and witness, in the first half of my walk, totally riveted I was!

There is a person swimming in the stillness of the pool, not seeing what is coming as the waves crash on the rocks and yet he is part of the experience regardless, the ripples continue into the pool, affecting him and being shaped by him.

And, on another level, the pool can be seen as a metaphor for the body, as a container of life force that is not separate from the greater. ocean (the Mother).... Its structure creates its unique shape (container), makes it tangible, yet it does not limit or keep out the force of life. Rather, it is one with it, an individualised expression of the inifinte ocean.

It also brings to mind how that which makes me, you, most powerful & potent, is dynamic, and most natural and organic to who I truly am.

The waves in this pic from the first time brought to mind seahorses, which feels like a perfect note to end on.

We cast shadows.

That's part of the human experience.

We all have parts of ourselves, denied, because we were told they weren't acceptable early on. So, we hid them, even from ourselves. 
And pretended they don't exist.

And we complained about those painful, frustrating others in our life, 

Who we don't like. 
Who annoy us so.

If they would only change, we could be at peace,
have things flowing,
our way.

Like gum on our shoe, we can't seem to shake them off.

Why don't they stop interfering, intruding in our life?

Shadows, falling back.
Hiding,
From the truth, 
That all parts are worth loving, and serve a purpose, until we are ready to welcome them home. 

To love ourselves, back together. 

And then, the landscape changes. 

Oh, the courage you have....

What if you didn't make a new year's resolution?

What if instead, you focused on being exactly where you are?

Moved towards acceptance, rather than futurising/projecting into the year ahead, in this particular moment.

What if, you took some time to turn inwards after a hectic month of socialising, and doing?

Breathe.

Feel your beautiful body, your beautiful heart that pulses blood, the essence of you to every corner of your being.

What if,

you remember

​you are enough?

Breathe.

Some tips to support you through the Christmas Season:

1. Hydrate
2. You don't have to attend every event you're invited too.
3. Rest, sleep, eat well.
4. If you're going to multiple places on Christmas Day......find a way to do it so that you're minimising the stress factor for you. Can you do it differently?
5. Breathe.
6. Use mundane incidental moments like bathroom trips, in the car, to breathe, come back to centre.
7. When you find yourself getting overwhelmed, com back to the the present moment through your senses & your breath.
8. When you find yourself comparing your experience to others presented on social media, remember, it's a snapshot.
9. There are no should's.....easy to forget that when laden with obligations.
10. Manage your alcohol intake.
11. If you’re in recovery, go to meetings, reach out to your sponsor, friends in recovery.
12.If you're struggling, reach out to someone you feel safe with, or Lifeline 13 11 14.

Wishing you joyful & loving moments in your days,
Be kind to yourself, nourish, and nurture.

Love,

​Xanthe xxx

.....was once the title to a book.
A journey within.
Something therapy is all about, developing a relationship with the different parts of you, in order to make conscious, what is unconscious.
Becoming aware of your defenses, your habits and preoccupations, in order to change them.
It is not a comfortable process, yet it is the only way through, to greater congruence between your inner world, and the outer one.

IN fact, I think at this time, with the plethora of information available on just about everything, including the self development, self help world, this journey inward is even more necessary. It is easy to get lost in the conflicting pieces of information, and developing a relationship with your inner world, is the truest way to greater clarity and peace. One of the things that enables greater discernment is actually our sensing/feeling nature (SOUL). 

This is often the part of us, we are most uncomfortable with, find it easiest to betray, in the persistent and consistent pressures of the outside world. Expressing, and walking through the stuck emotions, is to allow for more expansiveness & clarity in  our FEELING nature.

So much so, I feel addictions are simply on a continuum.

For some, it is drugs, alcohol, gambling, gaming, shopping, etc. easily recognizable,
for others it is work, rescuing, relationships, DOING, over-giving, anything to distract, turn away, from SELF.

Lately, every time I hear or see artificial intelligence, I hear ADDICTION........using something artificial (outside of yourself) to manage or control your internal state, in order to feel more at ease with your external world. An artificial high is never fulfilling, has a short life span, and what goes UP this way, must come down.

Getting out of these habits/addictions, takes effort, and a willingness to change, no different to the efforts it took to create them in the first instance, except on the road to recovery, you are moving towards a healthier, more whole version of YOU, one day, one step at a time.

​Change is our natural way. 

Many happy returns!