Denial

If there is one thing I have been able to deepen my understanding of, working in addictions for the last 5years, it is Denial. 

I used the word myself before, and have heard many others use it, but denial in and of itself, as a word, I found to be a bit ephemeral, ambiguous......what is the essence of it I thought. Then, in the addictions field, I was taught the different aspects that comprise it, which grounded my understanding of it.

How do you know when you're denying your reality, the truth? Well, some of the ways in which it shows up in our behaviours and thinking is when we're justifying, minimising, rationalising, lying and/or hiding. One of areas across the board in which this happens, is with our emotions and feelings. It is a societal thing and often in our family of origin we will have covert and overt rules on which emotions are okay to express, which are not. Discovering these for ourselves, allows us to release any old habits that may be limiting us in the present. I am currently reading Brene Brown's book Atlas of the Heart, and in it she cites research she and her team did. They asked participants in a survey which emotions they could recognise and identify as they experience them, and found the average was 3 - happy, sad, and angry.

Why do we deny the truth?
For many reasons......because the truth is too painful. The original pain was too much. We felt out of control, and so we learnt to manage our pain, by hiding it, pretending it didn't exist. Something which likely served us for a time. Yet, there comes a point in life, where the old starts to leak out of the box we have placed it in. Our attempts at numbing and distracting become ineffective and our lives become more unmanageable. 

This is usually the beginnings of an awakening, where discomfort, and confusion become the norm and we struggle to find a way out. 

This is when life also provides us with opportunities for healing. We just don't always see it, we have to be willing to ask for help, to reach out.
A courageous step.

In the face of reaching out, asking for help, there is a new discomfort we are faced with, that of stepping into the unknown. For when we realise our old coping tools are no longer working for us, new ones and new ways, that are helpful  may often feel uncomfortable.

Yet, if we are willing and open to trying new ways, that serve our wellbeing, we can begin to move towards a wholeness and peace that is available for anyone who makes the choice. Again and again. It takes courage because its a movement towards the unknown. It takes perseverance, because it doesn't happen overnight. And it takes faith, because in the beginning trust is too big a leap. 

Remember, you don't have to figure it all out today. Staying present to your experience, being emotionally honest, and asking for help are all steps towards a healthier life.