Fear of Change

Perhaps one of the most common and most relatable fears is this one, of change.

Who am I if I am not a father, son, brother, daughter, mother, lawyer, ......etc.....you get the idea.

We love the familiarity of people, places and things, even when some of those things, people, places, cause us harm, and leave us feeling unfulfilled. In lieu of the change, we will continue to try way past the point we needed too. I recall reading in a book on marriage, that the majority of couples go to therapy, on average about 5-7years after they have been struggling with an issue/s.

When I was living in NZ at one point before I started coaching I did some research on transitions, reading a number of books, and looking at Elizabeth Kubler Ross' five stages of grief, which to me seemed very apt to how it feels to go through a life transition. For, no matter what the transition is, usually it is asking us to let go of our old identity to make room for what is seeking to emerge now.

It is perfectly exemplified for me in becoming a mother, the 9months gestation, is a time that the fetus develops in the womb, and the mother, starts acclimating to what is to become a mother.....and depending on her own experience within her family of origin, being pregnant will stir up feelings that have often lain dormant till then. It may feel overwhelming, uncomfortable, and the experience of these unexpected feelings may well cause a wobble or two. The experience we choose to have is seldom the one we do have, when we actually experience it.

I can tell you what it is like to dance with my soul, but, it will be rhetoric, hyperbole to you, until you get conscious, and have your own experience of it. Then, we'll talk for hours.

The thing that really came home to me, in doing the research on transitions is that change is always uncomfortable for a part of us. Regardless of whether it is something as delightful as having a child. An adult educator whose workshops I participated in, did her PhD on the difference between those who achieved goals and those who didn't, controlling for many of the qualities many believe you need to have to be successful, and found the only difference was constant & consistent action.

Simple. And yet, we have so many judgements about ourselves, and try and recruit others to our course, when in actual fact, we have not or are unwilling to take the step/s to back our self to move towards what we want.

We are always more than we think we are, which is usually reduced to the rational mind. As we open to the different parts of ourselves, invite our Soul into our life, connect with our body from the neck down, everything starts to change. But, all this takes time, our willingness to attend to our internal world, and to make the changes that are calling to us. No one can do it for us.

It's one day, one step at a time.

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