The Myth of "having it all"

This blog began when I saw the below summary of a book on the cover...

"In Her Father’s Daughter, Mary Loomis uncovers the inner price of living up to masculine expectations and definitions of success. She shows women how to break those ties, move through their hidden shame, and take charge of their own destinies."

Then, I remembered a conversation I had with two women, during a time where I was contracting to Telecom in NZ. One of the women was Maori, and the other Samoan, and the topic was about women in leadership within companies......must have been some talk on the fact there aren't that many of us up there. And I recall we were saying something along the lines of ......maybe because many of us don't want to be. Speaking for myself I had discovered through being a manager in the printing industry, it wasn't all it was cut out to be, and I started to feel like a babysitter. I preferred the idea of working with people in collaborative partnership - two competent mature adults, even if I wasn't fully one myself yet. The main point being, that being a manager or at the top of the food chain wasn't my measure of success.

And I talk about this specifically in relation to women, because I am one. I have no doubt there will be males who read this who can relate and women who don't.

I recall talking with a women who was a grandmother, successful lawyer, on this topic, and she shared with me how in her experience it wasn't true....sure she had the successful career, and her children were mainly raised by nannies, so yes technically she had it all and qualitatively she didn't. Just because we are told we can have it all, doesn't mean that in our hearts we want or truly desire it. It is to follow the normalised experience.........even these days with greater awareness of the socialisation of gender, and more options available, I was surprised to notice when my niece came along, many stores have the pink for the girls, blue for the boys.

And the research continues to show, when kids come into a relationship the usual stereotypes prevail.........though, it is very heartening to see so many dads being hands on in a way that previous generations were not.

My point is this, "having it all" is mostly based on external & standardised measures of success.....that by nature to date, mostly ignore the internal landscape. And yet, one of the most widely written about topics is happiness. So, we all desire to be happy, to live a fulfilled life. Yet, if we don't have the time to reflect, and open our awareness to this internal world, to discover what that is for us, we will go along with the conditioning of family, society, community.....and wonder why, when we have it all we feel miserable, and judge ourselves as ungrateful, etc.

When I moved out of home at 19, it was not seen as an acceptable thing within the Greek community, some folks let me know that, a couple of friends partners said, rent is dead money. For me freedom was more important and living at home till I supposedly got married was unfathomable.

Yes, you can have it all...whatever that means to you.....but, do you want it all?
What makes your heart sing?
Can you hear the whispers of your soul?

After a time working in addictions, because it was a private rehab, wealthier clients, I started to understand why the addictions, in the presence of lives filled with long work hours, and constant demands, relationships suffered and addictions prevailed.. The grass always looks greener, but the grass is only on the surface.

And another thing to consider is this, just because something makes someone else happy, doesn’t mean it will be the same for you. I have many friends who married and had kids, happy with that, for me that was never my dream.

In developing a conscious relationship with our Soul, we begin to discover more of who we are outside of the roles we play. As we bring more of who we are into the world, the fulfillment is beyond anything we can imagine, in our separated state.

Breathe with that.

And wishing you an enjoyable day!
As always, love
​Xanthe

​.